The Flinch: Startled by your forever absence

I am startled

It’s the same jolt I would feel if you snuck up behind me.

It’s not your sudden presence that makes me flinch, but the absence, forever absence

IMG_0728Grief isn’t overcoming me in waves, leaving moments between surges to gasp for air

Like some warped science experiment, it’s forcing me to relive the shock. Im afraid to breathe

Again and again I hear the sudden news that you are gone — forever.

You passed away, you transcended, you’re with God now

Comforting words, they feel like a trick, setting me up for the next bolt of pain

You are dead. I say the words out loud and fumble for acceptance, while my hand longs for the phone

I need to talk to you; we weren’t finished,  not even close

I love you, I’m  proud of you, you don’t have to be afraid,  be kind to yourself, you made me a better person, we can work anything out

The flinch snaps my head back; a sharp pain travels from my eyes through my face into my shoulders and chest. It’s force leaves me nauseous.

I’ve lost you again

I would much prefer the waves

 

 

 

 

 

 

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